Friday, September 30, 2016

Tales from Rural Maine: Au revoir, Luna

June 7, 2016

Oof. Migraine. And my blood pressure was down to 105/46 and 92/62 today. I told my doctor I was light-headed, weak and tired, but he insisted it's a sign of good conditioning. Also? My poor little cell phone (Luna!) got smashed. She hung in their for a while, sending texts that were shaped like haikus and worded like riddles, but tonight, she became disoriented flipped her screen upside down and now refuses to give me access to anything but the Interweb, which is the only thing I don't want from her. A new phone arrives tomorrow, but if you try to text or call my cell phone before the new phone is set up, Luna will likely take your secrets to the grave. Au revoir, Luna! It was a real pleasure teaching your dictionary words like "shitbag" and "polyamory" and "Namaste." I never understood your constant refusal to let me type the word "totally" or why you always changed "Thanks," to "Tanks," or "you're" to "yore" or "this" to "thus." No one says "yore" or "thus" or "tanks" in conversation, Luna. But it's okay. I liked that you never surrendered your mysteries to me. It's important to be who you are, especially when it goes against the masses. Tanks for all the good times. Let "yore" freak flag fly! I'll (totally!) see you on the other side!

Labels: , ,

Fire Fighting Tales from Rural Maine: Black helmet

Pete: "What's that sound?"
Me: "...It's my black helmet. I was hugging it and carrying it around."
(Helmets are generally pretty quiet, but my accountability tags were rattling...:-))


Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Tales from Rural Maine: Cyclists' Eyes

I like to listen to audiobooks when I'm driving. This morning, I was listening to "The Girl on a Train" on my Kindle when the narrator described the windows of a home as being like "cyclists' eyes."
Her voice is perfect for narration. British and appropriately evocative, she performs the writer's story with a grace that allows my mind to flow along with it effortlessly, like I'm floating gently on an inner tube down a river in the sun. But when she said the windows were "like cyclists' eyes," I fetched up. My tube got snagged on a rock. She kept going, the river of words flowing along, but my mind wasn't listening any more; it was caught up on that simile. Cyclists' eyes? What was I meant to understand about cyclists' eyes?
I could tell by the way she dropped her voice and slowed down as she said it that it was meant to convey some level of seriousness. There was a sense implied in her tone that cyclists' eyes might portend a certain element of doom; the tone of "like cyclists' eyes" contained forboding.
As the story carried on without me, I spun around in an eddy, trying to detach myself from the rock of confusion that had prevented me from carrying on, but I was unable to proceed until I grasped the meaning of "cyclists' eyes."
The writer used this simile so plainly--without any further explanation--and she is a good writer, so I knew that collectively, as readers, we were meant to understand automatically what this simile meant. I felt the insecurity of incomprehension in the face of a clear assumption of easy understanding, but I was unwilling to give up and move on. I was certain I could puzzle it out, if only I focused hard enough.
Cyclists' eyes. What do I know about cyclists' eyes?
I pictured a middle-aged man, sinewy and tan, wearing an absurdly bright lycra outfit meant to convey, I think, confidence and conviction about his status as a member of a certain athletic club (cyclists' are a breed of their own), but which also, unwittingly, I think inherently conveyed a certain vulnerability and fear; those bright colors, it has always seemed to me, are meant to announce the presence of the rider, in the hope that he won't be struck down by passing automobiles. They are a plea for mercy and an announcement of strength all in one. Cyclists possess the grit of an endurance athlete--strength, stamina, courage--paired with, to American eyes, the patently silly flash of skin-clinging bike shorts and an absurd shirt in a blinding array of neon colors; both masculine and anti-masculine all in one. But what about their eyes...?
Then, I remembered! The writer is British. And in Britain, cycling is more mainstream, less of a quirky alterna-sport and perhaps more understood by the population? Perhaps the collective mind of the British readership understands that cyclists eyes are...?
My mind struggled to find the right gear. A ten-speed clicking through it's range, unable to engage as it faced a steepening hill. I pictured a cyclists' eyes, glazed, grimly determined, fixed on the road in front of him, facing the hills and the valleys--the deadly traffic and heat and wind and effort--with a firm resolve. Surely, this is what is meant by that house's windows looking like cyclists' eyes? Glazed and possessed of a grim determination?
That must be it.
I heard the clicking and spinning in my mind, as my thoughts continued to shift through gears, trying on this notion--windows glazed and possessed of a grim determination. Did that fit the scene she was describing? Was this gear the right one to get me up this hill of incomprehension?
Meanwhile, the story carried on. Having at least partly solved the puzzle, my mind tuned back into the narrator and I became aware that I had been missing important plot points as my gears spun around. I was also aware that my answer to the question, "What on earth are cyclists' eyes?" was both right and not quite right at all. I felt frustration in my belly as I realized how lost I was in the current plot points of the story, all for want of the ability to understand immediately what she meant about those windows and their eyes!
Because I was driving and listening on my Kindle, I would have to stop altogether and pull over, if I wanted to rewind until I found the point where I'd lost my traction. I didn't want to do that. If my thoughts could've articulated themselves, they would've said, "Grrrr." Their emoticon was a frowny face.
And then...it clicked.
"Sightless eyes."
The upstairs windows were like *sightless* eyes! (!!!) I hadn't misunderstood, I'd misheard.
I sighed, returning to my inner tube in the river of the story, now freed up to carry on; feeling somewhat hopelessly behind, but in my current circumstance unable to do anything about it.
I sighed again, and fixed my gaze on the miles ahead...with cyclists' eyes.


Labels: , ,

Tales from Rural Maine: Happy Fourth

After my old phone, Luna, got smashed, she would communicate only in poems and riddles. I had no access to commas, ellipses, or intentional periods.

All
texts
Looked. Like.
this.

It was effortful both to send and to receive these texts. But, there was also something deeply charming about Luna's last days of messaging. Something poetical and enduring that suited her personality.

My new phone can text in fancy, horizontal sentences, which are good for communicating, but lack some of the creative flare Luna brought to my text-based conversations at the end. Luna 2 is still showing me who she is. Slowly, slowly, we are getting to know one another. She has finally learned, for instance that I do not mean "ducking."

Among her quirks is the fact that she randomly inserts capital letters into words. No, I don't mean "foRgot." No one ever means to type "foRgot." I found this annoying at first (okay, I still do), but I have exhaled into an almost whole-hearted acceptance of this element of her personality. I don't correct it anymore. I just go with it.

Among her charms is her ability to learn. Luna 1 never did that. She was always devotedly true to her own authentic self. I could teach her new words sometimes, but it was a more plodding experience of forcing them into her dictionary manually. Luna 2 learns spontaneously, whimsically.

And she now has enough experience, apparently, to predict what I'm about to type next. I type a word and she offers one or more suggestions for what's to follow, based on what I've typed in the past. She's almost never right, but I'm so charmed by the eagerness of her offerings that I've decided to honor them here. If I take any word and begin a text with it, I can create a new Luna 2 phone poem: a message that is quirky, representative of a weird somewhat prismatic window into my life and the things I seem to have to say to others, via text messaging, but which is nothing like what I (at least what I thought I) meant to say when I began.

Here's today's Luna 2 phone poem, starting with the word "Happy:"

"Happy biRthday bay! Thank you for sharing your heart/time/Sunday/voice. Shine/your/chakra/hurts
she says you're having a picnic/option/dinner.

"Happy fourth
she says
he's maybe/able/not ready/ashamed/broken/sure."

Happy Fourth of July weekend, everybody! Shine your chakras--and enjoy your picnic/option/dinners!



Labels: , , ,

Fire Fighting Tales from Rural Maine: Brick shithouses

My friend, upon seeing me this weekend: "Wow! You're built like a brick shithouse!"
My immediate *thought*: "Well...I think I'm built more like an inflatable bouncy house or possibly a marshmallow yoga house, if that's a thing?...but brick shithouse works, too."
(And being a Mainer, which by definition means I have some experience in shithouses, I also instantly thought, "Whatever it's made of, I hope there are no spiders in my shithouse!)
But what I said out loud was, "Ha ha! Um...thank you! :-) You look like a tanned little hard body!" (Somewhat less poetical than "brick shithouse," but definitely true.)
:-)

Labels: , , , , ,

Fire Fighting Tales from Rural Maine: Fire-Fighter Up

It was not until she was about to board the Sandia Tram that Naomi realized that she had, perhaps, neglected to ask some important questions. She had, for instance, not exactly grasped how *high* off the ground the glass container would be carrying her. And now it was too late to turn back.
900 feet above the canyon floor, is the answer, by the way. A confined space at a drastic height...her heart began to pound a little faster and, for a moment, she thought she might panic.
But then? She remembered. She can do heights. And confined spaces. If she has to.
"It's okay," she said to her friend. "I'm going to fire-fighter up."
And as she traveled up 3,819 feet in elevation over 15 minutes on the world's longest tram (a double reversible jigback aerial tramway, it turns out), she was glad once again, that she had done her fire academy training. Because it meant that she could stay calm and enjoy views like these, even when the conductor pointed out they were up so high it would take 8 seconds to hit the ground if we fell.

Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Fire Fighting Tales from Rural Maine: Ommmmm

Just when I think I'm getting close to being prepared enough for my Maine Fire Service Institute Pro-Board accreditation exam (which is on Monday, following three tough training days and a day teaching the kids at Acadia hospital, oof!), I realize I don't know nearly enough about sprinkler systems. Sigh. Maybe If 501 meditates with me, I'll absorb all of his knowledge telepathically...?

With my Chief at a training burn.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Tales from Rural Maine: Understanding time

When my nephew was very little, he seemed to have an unreasonable level of frustration when he was told to wait for a very short time. He wasn't a naturally impatient person, but for some reason being told to wait "a minute" left him feeling hopeless, as though you had said an hour instead of a minute.
My a-ha moment came when I realized that for Bailey, "a minute" didn't mean sixty seconds. It literally meant, "some-long-interminable-indeterminate-amount-of-time-that-generally-means-a-grown-up-isn't-willing-to-say-no-but-also-isn't-willing-to-do-what-was-asked-of-them-right-now."
We were all saying, "In a minute, Bai!" when he asked to play or get help or get attention or have a treat or any and all of the other things kids are needing when they're three. He hadn't yet learned about measuring time on clocks; his understanding of words and of time came from his experience. "A minute" could be counted on to be a frustratingly long amount of time.
As I stood on Tuesday night in the kitchen staring at the heap of dirty dishes that Pete said on Monday morning that he'd wash "later," it occurred to me that what he meant was...he'd do them "in a minute."

Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,

Thursday, April 09, 2015

Yoga Tales from Rural Maine: Holding up the sun

Last night, I showed Peter a picture of me and my friends spelling L-O-V-E with our bodies on the beach at sunset in Costa Rica. I had shared it on Facebook, but he doesn't social media much, so he hadn't seen it. 



He appreciated it. And then he said, "You know, I really love that one of the girl holding up the sun at the beach." 


(This photo is my profile picture.) I looked at him, realized he wasn't kidding, laughed and said, "Honey? That girl is me."

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Yoga Tales from Rural Maine: Yoga to Go

I was talking to a master yoga teacher the other day who does not live in Maine, and I was casually sharing some details of my teaching life here--and she was flabbergasted. 

I didn't realize until right then how unusual it is, but especially combined with my service with the Orland Fire Department, on any given day, I never know where I'll be dispatched. Some days I get called to fires or accidents as a first-responder; some days I get called to yoga. Every now and again, I get called to both.

"I hurt my back, can you come teach yoga?"
"My father died...can you come teach yoga?"
"My sister/grandchild/best friend is in town, can you come teach yoga?"
"My daughter eloped, can you come teach yoga?"
"My daughter's getting married...can you come teach yoga?"
"My son was released from prison...can you come teach yoga?"
"My niece is graduating. Can you come teach yoga?"

These are just some of the requests I have gotten. I teach so often that it isn't practical to load my gear in and out every day, so instead, I ride around prepared for anything. I have a "go bag" full of things I need as a first-responder; and a car full of yoga supplies. If you needed me to fight a wildfire, I could drop what I was doing and be on-scene and ready to go in minutes; ditto if you needed a yoga birthday party. 


I always keep enough yoga supplies in my car to teach up to 20 people yoga anywhere accessible by car. Along with water, snacks, sunglasses, safety glasses, leather boots, wildland turnout gear, reflective gloves, high-visibility tee-shirt, a change of clothes, my pager, a helmet, sunscreen, nitrile gloves, a flashlight, etc.

Because of the particular circumstances of my life in rural Maine, I have taught hundreds and hundreds of yoga classes--including one during a blizzard where I hiked through the snow to the end of my driveway and my students picked me up in their 4x4--but never once have I taught in a bonafide yoga studio. During one typical week this spring, for example, I taught in a living room in Bucksport, a kitchen in Penobscot, a meeting room at a health center in Bucksport (twice), a fire department (Orland), a cancer resource center (Ellsworth), and a front lawn in Brooklin.



All of this is made somewhat comical or maybe heart-warming, depending on your perspective, by my choice of vehicle. I am a roaming yoga gnome in a tiny little Ford Focus hatchback. In case there was any doubt that I am a firefighting yogi, I even have
 firefighter plates that say "OHMM." (Which electricians tend to think means I'm one of them, but which my fellow yogis get right away.) The whole car is so stuffed with yoga equipment and firefighting gear (and reusable grocery bags) that there is actually no room for anyone but me in the car. I recently had to give my 11-year old niece a ride and the only thing to do was to pull out a bunch of props, put her in the backseat, strap the seatbelt into place, and then pile the props on top of her. (She loved it.)

Many of us who teach practice what we call "yoga off the mat." We live our lives in ways that match our yoga philosophy; we practice not only with our bodies and our breath, but with our choices. I am this kind of yogi. In my case, selfless service (seva) is a priority; I am a karma yogi, which means my heart soars most when I engage in the action of selfless service (karma). This is why I serve with a volunteer fire department. No matter where I go--to teach, to fight a fire, to help an accident victim--yoga is literally my co-pilot.



Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Tales from Rural Maine: The way life should be…

I was delayed getting to my uncle Ricky's memorial gathering on Sunday. First, because I was so incredibly sad, I couldn't put my clothes on. Second, because a goat climbed into my car. And third, because on my way there, I came upon an accident involving my other uncle—Ricky’s younger brother--who was trying to find the memorial in his rental car and got sideswiped by a speeding SUV (with out-of-state plates, I might add).
The goat in question is named Dixie and she belongs to Dave and Angel, fellow members of the Orland Fire Department. Pete and I swung by their place on our way to the memorial to drop off Pete’s Jeep at Dave’s garage, and as soon as I pulled up, Dixie made a bee-line for me.
I’ve only met Dixie once before and usually she lives with the other pet goats in a backyard pen equipped with lots of things to climb on. I suspected she wasn’t meant to be free ranging since the other goats were in the pen and Dave and Angel seemed not to be home. Two little girls were playing in the yard, though, and they said it was okay for Dixie to be out, so I took their word for it. I gave Dixie some pets and scratches, and then headed back to the car with Pete. Dixie followed.
She was utterly and sweetly fixated on coming with me. I would lure her away from the car and then dash back and she would gallop on her little hooves to catch up with me. The girls tried calling her to them, but she could not be dissuaded from this notion that she and I should be together.
Pete opened the passenger-side door to get in, but Dixie climbed in ahead of him. She is a small, brown goat, and she wanted to come with me. To be honest, I sort of wanted her to come with me, too. There was something so endearing and healing about her warm interest in my being. The week had been so hard. Some of my relatives are tough to be around. I listened to and experienced way too much judgment and criticism for my own comfort. It left me feeling ragged and alone. But in Dixie’s unabashed desire to be with me, I felt fully appreciated. This guileless little being, her affection, her warm and willing eyes, they soothed the hot sense of disapproval I had felt radiating at me all through the week.

Dave, our 1st Lieutenant, and sweet Dixie

I’m not sure how discerning Dixie is. It may be that every human who enters that yard has to remove a friendly goat from their passenger seat, but for me, in that moment, it helped me to feel more like me. For the first time that day, I laughed. I giggled. I talked to Dixie. I loved her. And with that love, with that laughter, I began to feel a bit more like myself, a bit less traumatized, a bit less lost and alone in a wilderness of thorns. It was like I had wandered off the internal path I follow, the quiet and lovely path that keeps me grounded, happy, and whole, and Dixie turned up to show me the way back. Eventually, we were able to separate ourselves and I left Dixie in the care of the neighbor children, and drove off, a bit late, for the memorial gathering.
The memorial gathering was a casual affair. A time for friends and family simply to gather. No speeches or eulogies, just food and drink and a couple of hundred people who knew my uncle, gathering in the sanctuary-like yard of some dear friends who live on Cedar Swamp in East Orland. Don’t let the word “swamp” fool you. It’s truly beautiful there, back in the woods. It’s all trees and birds and flowers; deer and happy chickens and raised beds full of green and growing things. There is a constant and gentle trickling of water from the artesian well, and a sequestered sort of openness that allows one to feel both safely ensconced and utterly free all at the same time.
After leaving Dixie, Peter and I drove directly toward the memorial. But just before the last turn, we came upon an accident. We were in Orland, so of course I stopped to offer assistance. There were no emergency vehicles on site, just a large group of dazed and miserable looking people—about half of whom I was related to--and two SUVs looking worse-for-wear on the side of the road. I soon discovered that one of the smashed vehicles had been driven by Uncle David and that several of my younger cousins and my 11-year-old niece were passengers. The girls were very shaken up and had already been picked up and driven back to the memorial by other family members, as everyone else involved waited for help. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured; but both cars were now undrivable, and my uncle, my cousin, and my aunt’s husband were in limbo, standing in the heat next to a smashed up rental car, looking for all the world exactly like what they were—tired, sad, shocked, stranded travelers.
Orland was never dispatched to the scene—I’m not sure why--but nevertheless, in this moment of crisis, two of my firefighters materialized anyway and gave assistance with grace, calm, and the deep and generous kindness I truly love them for.
First-on-scene was Dustin Bowden, a young man who lives nearby and heard about the accident from his grandmother. This is how we roll in rural Maine. Your grandmother drives past an accident and gives you a call and you are a volunteer firefighter, so you go out looking for it. Dustin and I secured the scene, called for an ambulance, and made sure the sheriff was notified.
Soon, our second captain, Casey Soper arrived. I was so happy to see him. He’s tall and deeply tan from long days of lobster fishing, and he scooped me into a bear hug. Serving with Casey is like having a big—very big—younger brother who knows when to crack a joke, when to play wrestle, and when to take command of a scene. The second time I met him, we were in a fire truck—he was driving—and he told me he would trust me with his life, and that there are not a lot of people he feels that way about. I have endeavored ever since to be worthy of this trust.
Between the three of us, we were able to expedite the tow truck for both cars and get my family on their way with a blessed efficiency. Just to provide some perspective: The last time we (the OFD) were at an accident scene with an out-of-state driver in a rental car with no AAA (just like my Uncle David), it took four hours to clear the scene and the chief wound up driving the family to Trenton to get another car. But this time, using my AAA card and Casey's inside knowledge (one of his many talents is tow-truck driving), we were able get this wrecker call taken care of in a fraction of the time it would have taken, had Casey and I not been there. I was overjoyed at our useful and helpful connections to one another, and within our community, and that whatever fortuitous forces were at play that day had brought the exact right people to that scene to be of service to my family.
I emerged from the incident grateful, as ever, for the members of the OFD, for my friends and family here in this small town, and for the very quick response and congenial nature of the deputy sheriff on scene.
Even though I was an hour and a half late to the memorial, and a lot of people had left by the time I got there, the silver lining in that particular terrible cloud is that--as it turns out--the perfect combination of things to draw me out of weak-kneed, weepy inconsolability is a very friendly goat, followed by first-response. The accident—particularly since it involved my family—meant that I switched from upset-and-grieving into calm-competent-firefighter. Nothing in the world existed in those moments except the roadside problem at hand and the tools I had at my disposal to fix it. When everything depends on my presence of mind, nothing is present in my mind except my compassion, my instincts, and my training.
When people say, “Maine, the way life should be,” I don’t think about mountains or rocky coasts or lobster that is cheaper by the pound than hot dogs, I think about Dustin Bowden, jumping in his car to come and help because his grandmother saw an accident near the blueberry factory; I think about Casey showing up and giving me a hug after a long, hard day of working on a lobster boat and taking out his battered phone and saying, “Yes,” when I asked if he could help me get a AAA tow truck there quickly; I think about the scraggly wrecker drivers who didn’t know me, but when I climbed up to the cab and explained I was a friend of Dave’s—and Dixie’s—they smiled (they know them both well) and said yes, they’d tow my uncle’s vehicle first, so that he could get to the memorial; I think about those hundreds of people who came to East Orland to say goodbye to my uncle, people who had known him when they were children, having adventures with the Gangs of Bucksport; I think about how those were the days; and I think about the heavy, black pager I wear on my hip at all times, even when dressed for a funeral, and the kindness and competency it always summons when people need it most.
Once the drivers and passengers had all refused medical transport; once the sheriff had released the scene; once my uncle David’s rented Expedition was on the way to Dave’s, I thanked Dustin and Casey, and I climbed back into my little Ford Focus, stuffed with yoga supplies, and firefighting gear, and two bouquets of flowers from my garden for the memorial.
"There's no crying in first response," I joked to Peter, once we were both safely back in the car.
"This car smells like goat," he said.
And we were on our way. 


Me and Dustin taking a break at a long, sweltering structure fire in Surry.


Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monday, May 05, 2014

Tales from Rural Maine: Lucky ME

One of the particular quirks of being me--and, consequently, also of being a person in the world who encounters me--is that while I groove on some aspects of society really well, I more often function like I'm from another place. Like, perhaps I used to be a mermaid. Or maybe I'm from some crazy place like Bohemia, except I don't really seem to have an accent.

Mostly I "pass" in (rural) American society by smiling a lot and asking questions with a sincere curiosity and warmth. It also helps that 9 out of 10 people here know I'm from here, or they know I teach someone they love yoga here, so they endow me with a certain amount of cred right out of the gate. This will often buy me enough time to learn what I need to learn before they fully cotton on to my cluelessness and get fed up.

Today, the kind folks at Tozier's Market in Bucksport had the sort of encounter I'm talking about.

A forty-something-year-old woman walks in the door, puts a paper on the counter and then says, cheerfully and with an almost childlike enthusiasm, "I'd like a lottery ticket, please! How does that work?"

The cashier sized me up and I don't know if she is just kind in her heart or if she made a decision to be kind right then--I think both--but she ever so graciously began at the beginning, which was just what I was hoping for.

"Do you want one of these? [pointing to the logos for some lotteries] Or one of these, that you scratch? [gesturing to the scratch tickets]"
Her assessment that I might not know the difference between a scratch ticket and a lottery ticket was incorrect, but I felt grateful that she did perceive that I knew next to nothing about what I was trying to do.

Me: "Wow! Who knew there were so many? I would like the kind that they draw numbers for? That kind. Not the scratch...How does that go?"

"Well, tonight you have Magic Number Balls [or something, I can't remember what she really said] and Lucky Winners [or something else; I really can't remember what the various lotteries are called. There really are a lot of them!]."

Me: "That sounds great! How much do they cost?"

"Well...this one is one dollar and that one is two dollars."

Me, brightly: "I'll take the one for one dollar, please."

As the clerk prints me a ticket, she explains: "The drawing will be tonight."

Me: "Okay! Exciting. So is that something that will be in the TV?"

By this point, her colleague had come over and they were both so sweetly observing me, like they couldn't quite get a handle on why I don't know anything about lotteries. Or maybe even TV.

The other clerk said, "Well...I think it may happen right before the evening news...?" And she sort of paused, as if to see if I understood what evening news was. I nodded. "Or, you can call the store and the clerk here will tell you the winning number...Or you can check...online..." And with the online bit, she trailed off. I think she thought she'd lose me there. Little does she know that what I lack in lottery know-how I more than make up in online know-how!

"Online! Perfect. Thank you!"

The first clerk rang me up and said: "One winning lottery ticket. That'll be $1.79."

Me, being funny: "Do I have to pay extra for a winning one?"

Clerk: Laughs. "Nope. It's included."

I'm not sure it's possible to convey the air of sweet confusion about the whole thing. It was utterly inconceivable to the women serving me that a grown adult who seemed to have her wits about her and definitely seemed sober would walk into a convenience store and not have any comprehension about how lotteries work. I must have seemed like an idiot. And they were SO nice about it. I love kind people, I really, really do.

When I got out to my car, I realized in my excitement about buying a lottery ticket, I'd forgotten something I went there for, so I went back in just as they were saying to a third colleague, "No! I don't think she'd ever bought a lottery ticket before!" Total bafflement reigned. It was all so charming.

They were surprised to see me, but I let them know with my smile and my body language that I know it seems funny that I don't know about lottery tickets. We all laughed--I totally got why it was odd.
And realizing I wasn't insulted--we were all on the same page--they asked the burning question, "Have you really never bought a lottery ticket?"
I explained how I'd bought a MegaBucks on my 18th birthday, but that was a really long time ago, and since then I'd bought a couple over the years as gifts for people, but it was always so many years apart and I never quite did understand how any of it worked or what it all cost or how you check the numbers or which one is best or how often they have drawings or any of that stuff. Like many things in life, my conscious awareness ended in 1990. I'm also always surprised when a first-class postage stamp isn't 25 cents.

I left really hoping she did sell me a winning lottery ticket. Wouldn't that be great?  I could buy those clerks a present--and also in all the press conferences, I could tell the story about how one day, I just felt lucky and decided to ask someone how to buy a lottery ticket and they were so nice to me and then we won! 
I bet that story would be in the TV...and also online...!

Labels: , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Tales from Rural Maine: Do your worst

I was here, busily working at my computer, when Peter said: "It's flurrying."

I turned to look out the picture window and upon seeing those gosh-darned flakes falling (again!!), I made a face and shook a tiny fist of fury at it.

But then I realized, my heart isn't in it. I just feel like, "Whatever, winter. Go ahead. Freeze our balls off some more. Bury our house. Make us burn more fuel and shovel more snow and worry about the roads." I just don't even care any more. 

And you know why? Because I'm holding aces, buddy. I feel exactly the way I do when I'm playing poker and the other guy is getting pushy, and I know for a fact that it doesn't even matter if he's bluffing because I've got this hand. I have no fear. Do your worst. Go all in. I'll take you down. 

What's my ace-in-the-hole? Spring, goddammit. Go ahead and take March and April, winter, you bastard. Do your worst. I don't even care. The march of time is inexorable and you can't hold out forever. This is your last gasp. You tried to kill us every day for four months, but I got news for you, pal--we're still standing. And May and June and July and August and September are coming and you can't stop them! They are gonna melt your ass, Mr. Winter, and I am going to love every minute of it.


Labels: , ,

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Tales from Rural Maine: The opposite of cool

For most of my life, I have wanted to be cool. I have the potential to be cool, in theory, but I have proved time and time again that I am lacking a level of indifference, composure, and quick-thinking required to be truly cool. Instead, even at the age of 41, I still possess the capacity for childlike wonder. A couple of years ago I saw my first monster truck rally and the radical sensation of joy, amazement and thrill I experienced was visible all over my face. Pure happiness rocketed through my body. I looked like a six-year-old meeting Mickey Mouse or whoever it is at Disney World that truly rocks kids' worlds these days. Or maybe I looked like a six-year-old seeing her first monster truck rally. (They crush CARS with TRUCKS!!!)

I get spazzy and giggly and authentically enthusiastic instead of cool. I light up like a Christmas tree whenever I get to put on my turnout gear. I see someone I like and I behave more like a puppy than The Fonz or whoever it is that represents cool these days. I brighten up and think excited thoughts and if permitted to, will jump on that person and deliver affection.

I once tried to smoke a cigarette with my coolest friend and she laughed (with kindness) and said, "You look like a kid dressed up in her mother's heels."

I can't wear leather because I feel so sad about the cows.

I have tattoos, but they're all about compassion and inherent goodness and I never show them off.

I once got so mad at a boyfriend that I became completely unhinged and the worst thing I could think to scream at him was not an obscenity, it was, "I hope every bad thing happens to you!!!"

In other words, I curse like a kindergartener.

In high school, the guy who's locker was next to mine put up a Metallica sticker. I saw it and said, "What's Metal-icka?"

I have often said, with a sort of self-accepting self-effacement, "I am the opposite of cool."

I said this to myself just the other day. And then it hit me...the opposite of "cool" is "warm."

That's actually true! I'm warm.

I'm not sure when my quest for cool began. Probably during the tween years like most everybody else. But it ended in January of 2014. I'm the *opposite* of cool. And that actually feels pretty cool.

Labels: , , , , ,

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

This one time? In San Francisco?

This one time? In San Francisco? I was singing karaoke at The Mint? With my friends? And this woman got up on stage and I was totally like, "You guys! That's Jewell!" And my friends were all, nu-unh. No way. That's not Jewell. And I was like, "You GUYS! It's TOTALLY Jewell. Look at her TEETH."

And they were like, Oh my gawd! It IS Jewell. And I was like, I told you!

And it totally WAS Jewell. And she sang her OWN song. Which struck us as really lame.

Anyway, I miss San Francisco in the 1990s. It was a magical time when I was almost always cold because goddammit, 60 degrees and foggy is never warm; I played a lot of basketball and spent time doing things like sitting in Dolores Park sewing sequins on my transgender lover's costume for his 'N Sync tribute band. And Jewell totally turned up at karaoke at The Mint.

Labels: , , ,

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Yoga Tales from Rural Maine: The sound of compassion


Today was one of those days when my students healed me.
I sort of limped into my teaching week yesterday, a bit drained by some experiences in my personal life. And today, I felt so disconnected and unable that I thought perhaps I should cancel my classes.
But what yoga teaches me is to show up. 
So, I showed up. And my Beth Wright students were utterly lovely. By the end of class, I felt more beautiful and less shredded. Often times teaching is like getting a hug from someone who makes you feel really good, and this class was like that for me.
Later, still feeling a bit wobbly, I prepared for my evening class, fully expecting it to be empty. It was raining and no one (usually) comes to yoga when it rains. But as our start time approached, my students streamed in the door until we were packed-to-overflowing.
The theme for our class tonight was The Sound of Compassion. I taught my students the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum for the first time. I explained that while the literal meaning of this mantra is about beholding the beauty of a lotus, the fuller meaning—the deeper yoga wisdom—is about summoning the power of compassion. These words are like the abra cadabra of compassion, I told them. When you speak them, or even better, when you chant them, you can make compassion appear seemingly out of nowhere. When you chant Om Mani Padme Hum, you become a beacon of light, and you call toward you all of the compassion that comes from our Oneness, the compassion of our Source, the compassion that is always all around us if we just tune in.
Whether you believe in the cycles of the sun and the moon or in a form of divinity—or both, or something else--this compassion exists between us as beings; it is in the breath that we share with the trees and with the ocean and with one another. And when we chant Om Mani Padme Hum, we are vibrating with the energy that is that compassion. We can call it to us when we are in need; we can send it out from us when others need it, too.
When I stood in the rain early Monday morning, gazing out at the stark gray expanse of the bay, waiting for my turn to search for the body of a man who had jumped from the bridge, it was this magic that I called on. When I felt a tidal wave of grief looming up before me, I chanted softly from beneath my firefighter’s helmet, Om Mani Padme Hum. When the high-pitched twang of fear plucked discordant inside me, I chanted. Om Mani Padme Hum. I said the magic words over and over. The rain beat down, the recovery boats crisscrossed the heartless bay, and I chanted very quietly until I felt like a lighthouse on that shore. And when the light filled me up, I sent it out—out to that man’s family, out to that man’s spirit, out to everyone who was looking for him, and out to the ones who would find him.
Today, I came to my teaching uncertain that I had anything to offer. But by the time our evening class was under way, I felt much more myself. Just the happy presence of all those students helped my heart to get its bearings.
Because it had served me so well as a first-responder on Monday, I taught my students The Sound of Compassion. We chanted it slowly at first. And then we tried the rapid-fire version. As we began the first round of rapid chanting, I heard one of my students in the back begin to giggle at himself. He was trying mightily to chant om-mani-padme-hum really fast, as I had instructed, but he got tongue-tied and he started to laugh. I felt the moment when I might be able to hold true to my neutral teacher space and sing us all past the laughing that was about to erupt, but this was no tidal wave of grief to be fended off, so that I might serve in a time of crisis; this was the opposite of that. This was a giant wave of happiness, about to crest, and when it did, I jumped on. Just as I said “yes” to getting into the rescue boat on Monday, I said “yes” to hopping on that raft of laughter. The whole class and I stopped calling compassion, and for a moment, we just laughed. We surfed on a wave of giggles. Every tired face was alight. Every mouth turned up into a smile. I let all my inner tension, all the holding on and holding up, I let it break and wash over me. What could be more compassionate than that?
Om Mani Padme Hum is the abra cadabra of compassion. It is the magic words. It will always bring you compassion, if you ask. It will bring you quiet strength, when that is the form of compassion that you need; and it will bring you a room full of people to laugh with, when that is the form of compassion that you need.
*Om Mani Padme Hum*

Three of these students (but none of these donkeys) were with me tonight, chanting and giggling, too.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The right tool for the job

I tried to buy a pickaxe today from True Value in Bucksport--known to local's as "Jerry's"--but they didn't have any. (It took a five-minute phone call with a woman, whose day I seemed to have ruined by asking, to determine that there were no pickaxes in stock.) Pete's digging a big trench and it's rough going with only a spade. One of the things I don't like about living where I live is that you can't just go buy a pickaxe if 
you need one; one of the things that I do like about living where I live is that after I hung up with the store, I was able to have the following conversation via cell phone:

Me: Hi, Dad. I need to borrow a tool.
Dad: What do you need?
Me: A pickaxe. Do you have one?
Dad: Yeah! You know where I store my motorcycle?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: It's to the right of that. I was using it to [something I don't understand] ...Okay, then, Pumpkin.
Me: Okay. Thanks, Dad!
A few minutes later I return with a rusty old pickaxe. Pete's face lights up.
Pete: Oooh! It's a good, sturdy old-fashioned one.
Pete commences digging. I go to mow the lawn and weed my garden. Life in rural Maine carries on...




Me and my dad having a lawn tractor race. (He let me win.)


Labels: , , , , , , , ,

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

For the love of the Games


I don't think Peter will mind my telling you this...

I love the Olympics. Like, I out-of-my-mind-more-than-almost-anything-in-the-world love the Olympics. I wait the 700+ days between Olympics and think, almost every day, about what the next Olympics opening ceremony will be like. I plan my whole life around recording and watching the Olympics. I block out all other news coverage. I avoid talking to people. I focus only on the Olympics for two weeks every two years. Maybe my greatest lifetime dream is to be part of the ceremony or part of the Games in some way. If I ever were asked to carry the torch, I think I would pass out and then weep through the entire thing. (I was so upset by the first half of Danny Boyle's Slumdog opening ceremony that I actually turned to Pete and said, through tears, "He's ruining it!! The opening ceremony is supposed to be about light and hope and athleticism; it's supposed to be about joy and freedom and friendship. It's supposed to be full of LOVE. I don't want to think about trench warfare and child labor laws and sick children! It's not supposed to be about nightmares. There is no scent of sulphur in the Olympics!!") I was broken-hearted until the athletes walked in and the light-up bicycle-driven doves appeared. The parade of nations always cheers me up (even if the announcers are being dimwits).

Pete, for his part, could really give two turds about the Olympics. But, because he loves me and because, I think, he experienced a little inertia each night after work, I'm guessing he watched probably 30-40 hours of Olympic coverage over the course of the Games. (We're still watching, PS, because I haven't caught up to everything I DVR'd; for me, the Olympic cauldron is still burning!)

And here's the point of this story and the thing I love about Pete: of all the sports I made him watch (white water kayaking, hammer throw, pole vault, gymnastics, marathons--"But, honey! They didn't even LET women RUN until 1984!! And then a woman from MAINE won! We have to WATCH! We WATCH because it MATTERS!"--and swimming coverage he referred to as "endless," etc.) the sport Peter actually fell in love with was...rhythmic gymnastics.

That's right--after watching the decathlon, the women's open water swim, the cycling races, so much volleyball his eyes were crossing, soccer (he fell asleep during that amazing women's gold medal game!), wrestling, diving, synchronized swimming, sprinting, hurdling, steeplechase, badminton, table tennis ("Are these guys for real?"), flatwater canoeing (who knew?), BMX and on and on and on, the one sport that made him say, "You know? That was so good it made me look forward to the next Olympics!" was a sport made up of teams of little (mostly Eastern European) young women and teens in pretty outfits with pointy toes fooling around with ribbons and hula hoops and balls and little clubs. I love my Peter. (And I also love rhythmic gymnastics!)

For the record, my favorite moment of the Olympics (so far) remains the finish of the men's 10,000 meters. It was full of light and hope and athleticism; it spilled over with joy and freedom and friendship. Ditto Kirani James swapping bibs with Oscar Pistorius after their 400 meter heat.

Kirani James andOscar Pistorius. Photo courtesy of  USPresswire.


If there were medals for TV coverage of the Games, most of NBC wouldn't even make the semi-finals. Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera covered the opening ceremonies so poorly they left me feeling embarrassed to be American. (Who the hell doesn't know who Tim Berners-Lee is?? And for the love of gawd, what network newscaster doesn't who he is??) Bob Costas and Dan Patrick are too cynical to do the Olympics. Bump up Tom Hammond. His sweet enthusiasm is so winning. 

And Ryan Seacrest? Really NBC? You insult us with that phoney baloney "lifestyle" coverage. It's like calling ketchup a vegetable. Not to mention that by using the host of a singing contest instead of a sports reporter, you really missed an opportunity. Actually, your failure to tap knowledgeable commentators in almost every sport was a shame. If you were an athlete, they'd kick you out of the Games for not trying hard enough. 

The cycling road race commentators (Steve Schlanger and Paul Sherwen?), they get a gold medal, and I'd give Candy Costie-Burke a silver for synchronized swimming coverage. She really handled it well when her less expert-at-synchro commentating partner would start going on about something like the height difference between the swimmers or the frigging camera technology. (I think he loved the new cameras more than the swimming, honestly.) (To get the gold she deserves, Candy just needs to lighten up a bit and accept that we, the ignorant public, really are fascinated by the nose clips, the hair gel and the mascara.) 

I also enjoyed the athlete profiles, as always, and the Mary Carillo and Jimmy Roberts pieces were good-natured; his were more watchable than hers. Tom Brokaw's contributions were classy, informative and sincere. (Bring back Brokaw!)

The Olga Korbut and Dream Team features were extraordinary--the kind of coverage I hope for during my two year wait for the Games. Thank you for those, NBC. I will be praying to the gods of Olympus that in 2014, we will see more of that sort of coverage and less "news" about Facebook Likes and Twitter trends--nothing could matter less to the Olympic Games than a hashtag or an athlete's comparative popularity on Facebook.


As a post-script, I will say that I am bracing myself for the closing ceremony. My wish is that the remote controlled Mini Coopers would be featured prominently, and also trampolines and dancing and light shows and music--bagpipes!--but I expect it will look more like the Spanish flu, the Blitz, the storming of the beaches of Normandy, and the death of Princess Diana, than it does rhythmic gymnastics.

Oh, well. Not everything in life can be as perfect as Kim Rhode's skeet shooting. See you in Sochi!!!!!

Labels: , , , , , , , ,